I've been walking sideways since the day Lucy took her first steps. Things 1 and 2 have always moved at opposite speeds. Lucy has been full speed ahead from the moment she was mobile. Gabe on the other hand, he has always moseyed along. They each have their own pace for everything they do, and they are different in every possible way. Thing 1 is up with the sun and is ready to head for bed shortly after it sets. Thing 2 gets up after a lot of yelling and water hits her noggin, and only sleeps when she collapses. Thing 1 is quick with computers and academics, Thing 2 has the athletic aptitude and no desire to be still long enough to read or add a couple of digits. There are only two things on which they agree--McDonald's and ice skating.
As with everything else for these two, dealing with the loss of Dad comes differently. Gabe was more in tune with Mr. 1inamillion's illness and wanted to be near by to help in any way he could. He asked more questions, talked about things more along the way with me and their counselors. He is in fact wired very differently than all of us, his unique operating system giving him the ability to process things in another manner which in many ways helps. Diva, however, has mastered avoidance better than any other kid their therapist has met. She manages to keep it sunny and 70 in Lucyland nearly all year round. Therefore I am usually caught off guard when something does seep through her barrier and hits her hard.
The first instance with Thing 2 that I did not anticipate resulted in the damn sticker family on my van. Thing 2 decided at some point a year or so ago that she was a Jayhawk fan. The only one living in this house...or riding in my van. Daddy bought her one of those KU sticker family sets, assuring me that she would be able to put them in her room and not on the van. Unfortunately, there were brain mets before Mr. 1inamillion could give her said stickers with the explanation that they were NOT for mommy's vehicle. After she put them on the van and I later began taking some of them off, there were tears. But Daddy bought those for me! (My first year of college was at MIZZOU, Dane worked years for the K-State sports network. I just can't display that kind of devotion to KU. Sorry, but just. can't. do it.) We have since compromised with a WSU Shocker family that includes one KU cheerleader and pack member. (But I still have a stinkin' sticker family on my van, because a minivan in and of itself just doesn't cover it.)
There was fear and tears with my first business travel, which used to be business as usual. But you're my only parent now. There was pure hostility at the prospect of me meeting new people. You KNOW you're still married right? Daddy just died and is in heaven. It doesn't mean you're not still married. Now that last one was dripping with such venom, my eyes nearly popped out of my head, but on these occasions when she speaks, I get her in to the therapist as fast as I can, we listen and try to get her to speak more. It's a rare occasion that she expresses anything, so regardless the tone, it is welcomed. Most of the time, she bottles it and avoids to the point she physically hurts.
Yesterday was a big day. Thing 2 had her tumbling recital and last night was the listener appreciation show for the station at which Mr. 1inamillion worked. We were invited to attend several weeks ago and both kids were excited about attending at that time. As I reminded her we were heading to the show after lunch, I visibly saw her simply sink as the thought absorbed. She said she didn't want to go and remained just silent and visibly down as we ate, regardless of any attempt to compliment her performance or engage her regarding the recital. When I asked if she would rather leave with Aunt Shel, Thing 2 began to instantly lift and return.
It took a large effort to get Dane out of the house and to her recital last year. It was the first outing in the wheelchair and the last performance of any kind he would attend. During Friday's dress rehearsal I stood at the handicap seating where we sat the year before and soaked in the fact it was at this time we truly hit the beginning of his end. Following that with a station event was a bit much for me to handle, so it was no doubt too much for her and definitely a huge downer on her big recital day.
Thing 1, of course, operates on an opposite spectrum. He wanted to go to the concert, see Daddy's friends and be back in his world. He accompanied Mr. 1inamillion to work on many weekends, so it was a chance to see his friends, too. He seems to welcome those reminders and processes them completely differently.
So yesterday following lunch I walked sideways. I watched as Thing 2 headed off with Aunt Shel for the safe comforts of home and watched as Thing 1 walked to the van (easily identified by our sticker family) so we could head to a radio station event without Mr. 1inamillion.
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