Tuesday

One would think that with two primary oncologists, at least one would be available. Not the case for us. Dr. McTardy is away on vacation until Monday and the Professor is at a convention but will be back in St. Louis this afternoon. So here is what I've learned from the covering oncologist and the radiology oncologist thus far;

The radiology oncologist's initial recommendation is full brain radiation. Mr. 1inamillion has a lesion at the front with lots of swelling around it, and one at the back. The lesion at the back would potentially cause coordination and balance problems which isn't an issue yet. The swelling at the front would likely be the cause of the confusion he's having but two days of steroids should have offered improvement. He suspects that cancer cells have spread to the covering of the brain and could be the culprit for the confusion. The brain covering extends to the spine, so this morning they did a lumbar puncture to see if there are cancer cells in the spinal fluid. We won't know the results until tomorrow.

Beyond the brain, Mr. 1inamillion has three tumors in his lung, one beside his heart and spots in the pelvic area. The Professor had Dane scheduled to freeze what is in the lung and near the heart in two more weeks. Hopefully I will hear from him this afternoon for his recommendation. Dr. McTardy, however, is who I really want to hear from as he has been Dane's doctor since 2007. He is also the one that suggested he stop chemo and try to really live the life God is giving him. I was in complete agreement with that, believing we'd hit a point were chemo was doing as much harm as, if not more than, the cancer. Dane wasn't happy with either one of us.

This morning he's hurting and cranky from the lumbar puncture and has been a bit of a smart ass, which are good signs that he's present with me. Yesterday we spent a lot of the day on a boat in Texas. That probably would have been fine with me had there been a pool and cocktails. I am wondering where this trip will take us today?

Through this journey I have been told countless times that I am so strong. Let me say, I am not. MY strength ran out long ago. Paul said that Lord told him, "MY grace is sufficient. MY strength is made perfect in your weakness." It wasn't that He'd give us more strength or that He wouldn't give us more than we can handle. I truly believe He does give us more than we can handle so we may learn to rely on Him. Mrs. 1inamillon's strength ran out a long time ago. I am on E, and the strength that I am running on is the Lord's. I have completely accepted that, and am a-ok knowing that I alone am not expected to handle this.