Yesterday was our thirteenth wedding anniversary. We spent the day on the road to St. Louis for a CT scan today and an appointment to follow up with Dane’s oncologist for results tomorrow. We are staying with my great aunt Jean this trip. You may think we should have opted for a hotel on our anniversary, but chemotherapy zaps the resources as well as the need for that luxurious privacy. Besides, we received the greatest anniversary gifts that I must share.
When my mother passed, our cousin Reverend Kurt Stone assisted with her funeral. It was beautiful and the following day I remember being told that every family should have a cousin Kurt. I completely agree. Every family should be blessed with a cousin Kurt, particularly because he came with our amazing Aunt Jean and Uncle Tom, the first Rev. Stone. While Kurt so eloquently helped us say goodbye to Mom, Uncle Tom was there to eloquently set us sail in marriage.
We were treated to a delicious dinner last night by Aunt Jean, Kurt and his wife Linda, complete with a celebratory cake. My aunt has an unrivaled gift of supreme organization and gave us a candleholder that they had received as an anniversary gift from my grandma and a copy of our wedding ceremony.
My Uncle Tom’s words (that were a complete blur to me on that day) are what I want to share with you. In particular, I want to share the words that my Aunt Jean so neatly typed thirteen years ago that are yelling at me from the page today. First, one of his prayers;
"God who gives life to all people and meaning to every moment, we pray that Angela and Dane may ever be faithful to the covenant they have just made. May the home they establish be a haven of peace and love in which all may share. May your grace and love be their constant companion as they fulfill their life together. Amen.”
A haven of peace and love. ...Oops.
Stress and illness weakens us to bark and bicker. My eyes stuck to those words on the page. I could dwell and elaborate on how far from peace we stray, but his wedding homily leads me otherwise.
A. Birds in Bella Vista
a. Largest – turkey vulture
b. Smallest—hummingbird
B. Diets differ greatly
a. Vulture—road kill
b. Hummingbird—colorful blossoms of beautiful flowers (and sugar water)
C. Vulture lives on what was…
a. Lives in the past.
D. Hummingbird
a. Lives on what is
b. Seek new life
c. Fill themselves with freshness & life
E. Each bird finds what it is looking for; we all do exactly that
F. Those of us who know you, love you, and want the best for you prefer you will always seek new life, and fill yourselves with freshness and life.
He continued with quotes from Eda LeShan’s “Going for the Gold” and Garrison Keillor’s book “We are Still Married”. His illustration of the birds of his Bella Vista, Arkansas home, however, is so very clear. We find exactly that which we are searching. We can fill ourselves with freshness and life like the peaceful hummingbird, or pick at the road kill.
Uncle Tom’s conclusion:
A. From Life’s Little Instruction Calendar…
Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things:
a. Finding the right person and
b. Being the right person.
B. God bless you both as you seek new life together, and do remember, “Happiness is never just around the corner—it is always right there in front of you.”
C. Seek new life and fill yourselves with freshness and life.
Dear God, who gives life to all people and meaning to every moment, I thank you that we have been ever faithful to the covenant we made thirteen years ago. May the home we have established be a haven of peace and love in which all may share. May your grace and love continue to be our constant companion as we continue to fulfill this life together, seeking to do so with freshness and life. Amen.
Growing Pains
She also lost her baby blanket three weeks ago. This blankie, dubbed yellow and often referred to as smellow, was given to her before she took her first breath. She rubbed it’s silky edges and chewed its corners brown. She loved it until it was holey and took it with her most everywhere, which would be its demise. Smellow Yellow was last seen at the Andover Dillon’s. We were told it was in lost and found for a couple of days but then thrown out, probably because of its appearance. Clearly, lost and found was not monitored by a parent because that blanket’s appearance (and smell) should have made its value obvious. It was a priceless, irreplaceable lovey.
Thing 2 with her Yellow
She cried and has mourned her most favorite blankie ever. Me too. We’ve talked about how losing a lovey is part of growing up, and what a big girl she’s becoming. She’s playing T-ball, going into the first grade, and while we miss yellow and are so sad it’s gone, it is ok because she no longer needs it. There’s no replacing yellow, but she’s making her own big girl blanket now and even has her first wiggly tooth. She’s growing up, and dragging me along kicking and screaming.
Two weeks ago, Mrs. 1inamillion parted ways with her BFF. When I was sixteen, I got a dog and named her Harley. We were told she was Yorkshire terrier and Pomeranian, but we later determined she must also have had a bit of Himalayan rat in her as well. She was too big to be just a Yorkie-Pom and nowhere near fluffy, but she was absolutely fabulous. Harley had such character and accompanied me in college, getting married, moving to Indiana, Florida and back to Kansas again. She comforted Mr. 1inamillian through several recoveries, and welcomed our children into our family.
Harley J. Hooley, 4/9/1992-6/4/2010
Harley was with me for more than half my life; eighteen years, 126 if you do the dog math. She had hacked like an eighty year old smoker for quite a while. I had prayed many times for the Lord to take her home peacefully when it was time and not let me struggle with that decision. There were multiple occasions when sleeping so sound, I laid down beside her and told her I loved her and if she saw a light or Mom, it was okay to run. She’d lift her head up and look at me like I was nuts. But two weeks ago when Harley was sick to her stomach and unable to stand on her own, we looked at each other and knew that it was in fact time. We shed tears and said goodbye. Thing 1 and I took her to the vet who helped her make it to Glory quickly and peacefully.
I am still crying and mourning my most favorite dog ever. I left that vet’s office to comfort my children, to get a flat tire fixed and a dead car battery replaced and work to pay the bills. I am struggling to be a grown up. I may look and act the part, but inside I‘m kicking and screaming about it all.
Now we are facing the fact that another lovey may be gone. After a day of massive clean up at our house, we discovered last night that Buster is missing in action. Buster was Mr. 1inamillion’s Victory Bear that he received on his very first day of chemotherapy and had given to Thing 1. After three years of lots of snuggling, Buster was undeniably a lovey. We are talking about the story of The Velveteen Rabbit, about how our love can be magical. We are shedding more tears, mourning the loss of a most favorite bear ever.
Tylenol helps ease the pain of wiggly teeth and aching joints, but there’s no replacing our loveys. This summer’s growing pains hurt. Amidst them, though, we have managed to kick off the training wheels and begun jumping from the high dive. We are growing into new adventures. It is easier to run free without toting a blankie, a raggedy bear or worry about a 126 year old friend that just longs to run free, too. We are treasuring our memories, but focusing on sharing our love with those we still have and doing our best to learn what we can and welcome the joys that await us. Hopefully with a little less of me kicking and screaming along the way.