Confession

I have a confession. I pray for heart attacks. I've prayed for heart attacks for years. Lord, please just come quickly. Please just take him home quickly and put an end to this suffering. Please, Lord, I don't want to see him hurting anymore. I can't do hospice. Please Lord, just let him have a heart attack.

I prayed for heart attacks.... and I used to feel terribly guilty about that.

It's amazing how you can read or hear the same bible stories over and over, but each time hear or grasp something different. As we studied the crucifixion this Easter the portion that grabbed me was when Jesus prayed in the garden just before they came to get him. He knew what was waiting, he knew what he had to do but he was scared and asked that this cup be passed over him. The Lord wrapped in human flesh had fear and prayed to skip the whole darn thing.

Meaning to me that Jesus basically prayed for a heart attack, too. Guilt relieved.


Of course He also prayed that God's will be done, and I did grab that as well. So I am doing my best to pray within God's will and accept this journey. Without a doubt, I still hate this and want my Mr. 1inamillion healthy or quickly home. But I will walk this path that He wants me to.


If you have a few more minutes, take a listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GocT5SAQPNM&feature=youtube_gdata_player