My filter is broken. If you've read much of my blog you might remember that I have admitted to swearing like a sailor. Today my filter is broken and I'm swearing like a sailor.
Mr. 1inamillion has been incredibly restless. Yesterday the doctor was concerned that he may be overly sedated so she adjusted his medications. He still isn't struggling with physical pain, but he has been very agitated. He's saying the expected random craziness and keeps insisting on getting up and leaving, but he seems to be getting weaker by the hour. Today they were adding medicines to help with the delirium and said we need to wait out the adjustments. I have spent all of my time with him these two days trying to calm him down, convince him to get back or stay in bed; basically holding him captive.
My patience is shot, my energy is spent. I am now at home alone in a quiet house, attempting to decompress and repair my filter. The doctor may not deserve nice words from me now, but she ain't around and I do really love his nurse. My husband is slipping before my eyes. He may not be physically hurting, but he is confused and visibly uncomfortable mentally. And it has been really pissing me off. The nurse did speak with his doctor again and she received an okay to increase some meds to calm him. Hopefully it works, my filter my be beyond repair today and tomorrow I will verbally have that doctor's ass for breakfast with my soy latte.
We all have cleared out of the hospital for the afternoon, hoping he might settle down and rest. Mr. 1inamillion is very beloved. He has had a consistent stream of visitors which I do believe he has enjoyed. Now, however, we think it may be contributing to his frustration and confusion as he is balancing between two realms - what's really happening around him and where his mind might be residing. We want to keep his guests to close friends and family, just one or two at a time and see if it might help.
I know I've been due for a filter breakdown and I know it's okay. I do believe that God wants our honest cries. As I searched for and watched the video I felt appropriate to include with this blog post, I fell to pieces with honest, continuous sobs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=zOHJghBU0XA
mrs1inamillion, My heart aches for you and your family. I continue to keep you all in my prayers. A prayer for strength, comfort & peace covers you this very moment.
ReplyDeleteyou don't need a filter; GOD knows your pain and doesn't give a hoot about language if u gotta scream ; go for it. I will keep prying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteAngle,
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and you're family. Crying is not bad. It means you're hurting and trying to heal. I love you! I am here for you if you need anything.
Love,
Christy Reser's little sister(Laura)
Filters need to be removed from time to time and taken out and beaten. Hang in there .
ReplyDeleteAngie, you are an amazing and inspiring person. Glad I got to meet you briefly at our class reunion last year, and was thankful that Dane was able to come. I can't imagine how hard all this is, but I know God will get you through it. Your family is in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteKnowing the pain your are working with while trying balance the "Normal" because I have been there, I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!!!
ReplyDeletePlease give Dane a great big hug from "The Williams".