If it's not one thing, it's (still) the dog

I had a super time last night at court. Okay, not at all.


I was afraid to surf on the blackberry while I waited and I didn't pull out the Jen Lancaster book from my purse, because I suspected that belly laughs would also be frowned upon, so I just hoped for some exciting cases ahead of me. There weren't any. A few folks doing 55 in a 35, a minor in posession of tobacco and apparently a woman in a bar fight. I didn't get to hear the skinny on the bar fight, her lawyer established an agreement before they were even in the court room. I only heard mention of 'cowgirl to cowgirl', which I take to mean there was beer and guy. I'm sure she left thinking none of it was even worth the court fees. Unfortunately I left wondering if the bitch that brought me there is even worth the court fees, too.


Last night I paid a $25 fine for letting my dog run at large in the city plus $56 court fees. This followed the $305 vet bill I paid on Monday and precedes the expensive hoops that come with a uncontested dangerous animal charge. Here is what we jump through next:

• SECURE ENCLOSURE: A locked pen or structure at least 6 feet in width, 12 feet in length and 6 feet in height, capped with a cap being secured to all sides, which provides proper protection from the elements for the animal, is suitable to prevent the entry of young children and is designed to prevent the animal from escaping while on the owner's property. The enclosure must be secured to the ground and have a floor which is secured to all sides. The secure enclosure must be inspected and approved by the Animal Control Officer.


• SIGNS REQUIRED: The owner or harborer of a dangerous dog shall display in a prominent place at the entrance to his or her premises a clearly visible warning sign indicting there is a dangerous dog on the premises. A similar sign is required to be posted on the secure enclosure in which the animal is harbored. (I am looking forward to taking a picture of little Bruiser sitting beneath one of Britney's signs).


• REGISTRATION AND INSURANCE: The owner or harborer of a dangerous dog shall annually register the dangerous dog with the Police Department and shall provide the Police Department with confirmation of the insertion of a microchip and the traceable number associated with such microchip. The owner or harborer shall pay a $100.00 annual registration fee (in addition to all applicable licenses fees) to the City and shall pay all costs associated with the microchip procedure. The owner or harborer of a dangerous dog required to be registered shall maintain liability insurance in the amount of $100,000.00 for each such dog against the potential injury or damage liabilities and hazards associated with the ownership or possession of such dog.

I've previously written that Britney is fabulous and I don't believe she bit someone, so you might be wondering why I took the dangerous animal charge without contest. Well, as exciting as the code sections listed above were for you to read, I am sure you will just accept the fact that the city code contains six definitions for a dangerous animal. ALLEGED bite aside, I would be up a creek with: 1. any animal that poses a threat to public safety or constitutes a danger to human life or property (don't they all?) and 2. any dog which chases or menaces any person in an aggressive manner (she loves to run and clearly the old man felt menaced).

I could probably get an adequate treadmill for less than the dog run we will have to get, but I think Britney still comes out cheaper than a personal trainer in the end. (No one write to tell me otherwise. That won't be helpful) We went for a run this afternoon because I was darn sure getting my money's worth out of her today. Great weather, good sweat and I was feeling a bit less stressed. Yep, she's worth it, I thought. No one feels this much better after a work out with Jillian.

I grabbed the mail on our way back in the house and saw that we got a postcard from the vet's office. I thought, that's nice. They're sending a note to say "hey, thank you for the business...we enjoyed your dog's company for the 10 days we had her." I flipped over the card and what it actually said was, "hey, your dog has hook worms. Come by and pick up medication".