Oh Dear Lord,
You saw me do that, right? I must be crazy. Why didn't you throw a page error my way to stop me?
In the absence of 'page can not be found', please Lord, can you give me strength and endurance? Please bless me with peaceful time each morning to train for this. And friendly weather on October 9th?
Please bless me with friends and family who understand my crazy and will support the cause. Because surely there is a reason and a blessing in store for this madness? I continue to trust You, God, that there is blessing in Mr. 1inamillion's suffering and I thank You for his determination. I pray that there is blessing in store for my DetermiNation as well.
Amen.
Juggling.
I finished my degree as a grown up. Not long after Thing 1 was born, I had to write a paper that required an interview with an HR professional. One of the questions I stuck in there was one I was desperately trying to figure out, "as a working mom, how do you balance it?". I will never forget her answer. She told me that you just have to know your priorities. She said, "I always have several balls in the air and I know I'm going to drop at least one. I just have to be sure it's the right one." Permission to not be perfect.
Permission to drop the ball. All the time. Awesome.
I have sense envisioned myself as a juggler. Kids, husband, work, dogs, work-outs, volunteering, housework and blog...in my mind's eye they are each faces on bowling pins I am tossing through the air. I remember the first time Mr. 1inamillion was hospitalized with an infection during chemo. My imagination placed me on a football field, throwing Things 1 and 2 to my sister, work to my favorite teammate, dropping a few other balls and sprinting down field with a football that was my husband.
As life has continued, I've dropped a lot with no intention of picking it back up and with little regret. PTO? Nope. Classroom volunteer? Huh-uh. Scouts? Not this year, but I'll happily guilt another mom into it for you if I must. Clean house? Bahaha. I began to feel as though I'd progressed to juggling on a tight rope. Maybe a little too cocky about my mad juggling skills, I still tend to take on too much. Let me tell you, in January the balls that couldn't be dropped got heavier, the noise I could typically tune out got too loud and I lost my balance. I didn't just drop a ball or two that could safely bounce. I fell flat down on my rapidly expanding fanny, and was buried below all of it.
That's where I've been, in case you were wondering about my absense here. Flat on my ever-expanding fanny, buried in my basement. I have been digging my out and am beginning to see daylight. I am regaining my balance and focus, slowly adding to what I juggle. Today I picked up the blog and am putting Mrs. 1inamillion back on the list.
Permission to drop the ball. All the time. Awesome.
I have sense envisioned myself as a juggler. Kids, husband, work, dogs, work-outs, volunteering, housework and blog...in my mind's eye they are each faces on bowling pins I am tossing through the air. I remember the first time Mr. 1inamillion was hospitalized with an infection during chemo. My imagination placed me on a football field, throwing Things 1 and 2 to my sister, work to my favorite teammate, dropping a few other balls and sprinting down field with a football that was my husband.
As life has continued, I've dropped a lot with no intention of picking it back up and with little regret. PTO? Nope. Classroom volunteer? Huh-uh. Scouts? Not this year, but I'll happily guilt another mom into it for you if I must. Clean house? Bahaha. I began to feel as though I'd progressed to juggling on a tight rope. Maybe a little too cocky about my mad juggling skills, I still tend to take on too much. Let me tell you, in January the balls that couldn't be dropped got heavier, the noise I could typically tune out got too loud and I lost my balance. I didn't just drop a ball or two that could safely bounce. I fell flat down on my rapidly expanding fanny, and was buried below all of it.
That's where I've been, in case you were wondering about my absense here. Flat on my ever-expanding fanny, buried in my basement. I have been digging my out and am beginning to see daylight. I am regaining my balance and focus, slowly adding to what I juggle. Today I picked up the blog and am putting Mrs. 1inamillion back on the list.
two in two million
Mr. 1inamillion's first sarcoma was diagnosed roughly four months after we married and moved to Indiana. I remember the first visit to IU Med Center as the longest day of our life. (note, I was in labor with 9.5 lb Thing 1 for nearly 2 days before the emergency c-section. That still comes in second to this day at IU.) We saw a parade of doctors while sitting in a small exam room. Each one wanted to press on his belly because although the tumor was the size of a soccer ball, you couldn't see or feel it externally. At the end of all of that, they performed a needle biopsy.
He was put in a recovery room after the biopsy with another patient. I remember just resonating on our differences. We were approaching our first holiday season as newlyweds. The couple on the other side of the curtain clearly was not. I don't think we ever knew why he was in there but I remember hearing the patient's wife and grown daughter talking about the impacts of this hospital stay. They were going to need to change from their Thanksgiving traditions for the first time in many years.
I remember being the first ones into the waiting room during his first surgery, and the last ones out. I also recall that I was the youngest one there. We were always the youngest. Excluding the rare presence of a pediatric patient, the patients surrounding us then were old. Thirteen years later, they are still older. The support groups tend to be full of women with grown children, lifetimes of memories accumulated. Also their cancers are very different. People haven't heard of or understand sarcoma. We have simply faced and accepted the fact that one in a million is lonely.
I never really realized how lonely it was until it wasn't. Two weeks ago I received a Facebook message with the subject title "You don't know me, but we have at least one thing in common". She spotted my Facebook profile picture on the Sarcoma Foundation's page, a picture of Lucy and I. I cried as I read that we had more than just one thing in common. Her things 1 & 2 are ages four and two, her husband has liposarcoma, has completed 28 treatments of radiation and they are approaching his first surgery. His radiation oncologist is even the doctor Dane saw when we lived in Florida. I cry again as I write this. Tears of joy and relief that someone else knows and understands this experience; and tears of grief that someone else must also endure this experience.
I have been trying to recall the feelings and thoughts they must be having so that I could perhaps offer a bit of comfort. His surgery is tomorrow, the sarcoma they are removing is near his spine.
Dane's first surgery was frightening. It was long and difficult. He took every pint of A negative they had on hand. He was puffed up a bit like the Michelin man from all the fluids afterwards and they kept him sedated and in ICU through the following day. That all might not sound comforting, but to me it is. Each surgery since, we have had that hard fought victory under our belt. The power of prayer had been proven, our fears diminished.
I ask that you please pray with us for the Howard family and their surgeon, Dr. Scarborough. (My mom always said to pray for the doctors, too.) The most powerful thing I can offer is the sharing of our family's prayer warriors. You all have such a proven track record!
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8
He was put in a recovery room after the biopsy with another patient. I remember just resonating on our differences. We were approaching our first holiday season as newlyweds. The couple on the other side of the curtain clearly was not. I don't think we ever knew why he was in there but I remember hearing the patient's wife and grown daughter talking about the impacts of this hospital stay. They were going to need to change from their Thanksgiving traditions for the first time in many years.
I remember being the first ones into the waiting room during his first surgery, and the last ones out. I also recall that I was the youngest one there. We were always the youngest. Excluding the rare presence of a pediatric patient, the patients surrounding us then were old. Thirteen years later, they are still older. The support groups tend to be full of women with grown children, lifetimes of memories accumulated. Also their cancers are very different. People haven't heard of or understand sarcoma. We have simply faced and accepted the fact that one in a million is lonely.
I never really realized how lonely it was until it wasn't. Two weeks ago I received a Facebook message with the subject title "You don't know me, but we have at least one thing in common". She spotted my Facebook profile picture on the Sarcoma Foundation's page, a picture of Lucy and I. I cried as I read that we had more than just one thing in common. Her things 1 & 2 are ages four and two, her husband has liposarcoma, has completed 28 treatments of radiation and they are approaching his first surgery. His radiation oncologist is even the doctor Dane saw when we lived in Florida. I cry again as I write this. Tears of joy and relief that someone else knows and understands this experience; and tears of grief that someone else must also endure this experience.
I have been trying to recall the feelings and thoughts they must be having so that I could perhaps offer a bit of comfort. His surgery is tomorrow, the sarcoma they are removing is near his spine.
Dane's first surgery was frightening. It was long and difficult. He took every pint of A negative they had on hand. He was puffed up a bit like the Michelin man from all the fluids afterwards and they kept him sedated and in ICU through the following day. That all might not sound comforting, but to me it is. Each surgery since, we have had that hard fought victory under our belt. The power of prayer had been proven, our fears diminished.
I ask that you please pray with us for the Howard family and their surgeon, Dr. Scarborough. (My mom always said to pray for the doctors, too.) The most powerful thing I can offer is the sharing of our family's prayer warriors. You all have such a proven track record!
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8
Blessed Week
I've had a pretty awesome week. Last weekend was fabulous. Thing 2's team won their game Saturday morning and I love watching them play. Saturday night was the Toby Mac concert. He is my favorite and the show was so...much....FUN. Non stop energy, lots of dancing, praising God with the very loud soulful gumbo, funky Jesus music. If you get the chance to catch one of his concerts, take it. So....much....FUN! I still feel like I'm radiating a bit of joy from it.
I really didn't think it could get better, but something amazing happened on Sunday. A miracle, really. I had hoped for it for months and had actually given up. Mangy Cat went to the KS Humane Society to be adopted by a family that wants him. YEA!! It took a while, but finally all members of the household were ready for him to move on, so we helped him as fast as we could that day. The tiny kitty that took up residence beneath our car in Douglass barely ventured out of our garage in Mulvane. MC whom was once so tiny and pathetic, was handed over as a great big furry healthy cat ready for adoption. After six months, that Mean Cat was still not nice to Chloe (the one cat I like) so I'm really not sure who was more excited about his departure. It's a pretty tight race but I think Chloe and I might actually be edged out by Gabe. He has litter box duty.
Monday we headed to St Louis for Mr. 1inamillions appointments. We got to spend some time with the bonus kid and visit some of Dane's old friends. His scan results were stable. Great news! He will continue on with the same treatment and we will continue regular ventures to St. Louis. We started the trek home Wednesday afternoon and were not long into the drive when we collided with the snow storm on I-70. One of the things that I hate more than driving I-70 would be driving 40 miles below the speed limit on I-70 in blinding snow. However we did listen to a great book along the way, Plan B by Pete Wilson, and we made it safely to stay with family halfway along the journey. The highways were in good shape yesterday for our final stretch home to the kids, dogs and one happy cat, all glad to see us.
What joyousness awaits me this weekend? Laundry. Cleaning. Grocery shopping. Baking. Don't worry, it gets better. No road trips. Another basketball game played by six year olds. Wii Just Dance with my favorite six year old. Planning a Rockstar birthday party for that six year old who will be seven next week. Yes, God is good.
I really didn't think it could get better, but something amazing happened on Sunday. A miracle, really. I had hoped for it for months and had actually given up. Mangy Cat went to the KS Humane Society to be adopted by a family that wants him. YEA!! It took a while, but finally all members of the household were ready for him to move on, so we helped him as fast as we could that day. The tiny kitty that took up residence beneath our car in Douglass barely ventured out of our garage in Mulvane. MC whom was once so tiny and pathetic, was handed over as a great big furry healthy cat ready for adoption. After six months, that Mean Cat was still not nice to Chloe (the one cat I like) so I'm really not sure who was more excited about his departure. It's a pretty tight race but I think Chloe and I might actually be edged out by Gabe. He has litter box duty.
Monday we headed to St Louis for Mr. 1inamillions appointments. We got to spend some time with the bonus kid and visit some of Dane's old friends. His scan results were stable. Great news! He will continue on with the same treatment and we will continue regular ventures to St. Louis. We started the trek home Wednesday afternoon and were not long into the drive when we collided with the snow storm on I-70. One of the things that I hate more than driving I-70 would be driving 40 miles below the speed limit on I-70 in blinding snow. However we did listen to a great book along the way, Plan B by Pete Wilson, and we made it safely to stay with family halfway along the journey. The highways were in good shape yesterday for our final stretch home to the kids, dogs and one happy cat, all glad to see us.
What joyousness awaits me this weekend? Laundry. Cleaning. Grocery shopping. Baking. Don't worry, it gets better. No road trips. Another basketball game played by six year olds. Wii Just Dance with my favorite six year old. Planning a Rockstar birthday party for that six year old who will be seven next week. Yes, God is good.
10 days left, 110 to climb
We have ten days to climb at least 110 spots in our effort to win the grant from Pepsi's Refresh Everything project for Waiting-Place. 10 days to move from 119 to the top 10. Long shot. But we all love the long shot. I hear the theme to Rocky in my head as I type. I see Rudy running on the field in the final game of his senior year, his friends and family cheering in the stands. We root for the under-dogs and celebrate when they win. As if we had something to do with it, right? This time, though, we all really can have something to do with it. We all can take part in moving Waiting-Place (which isn't much more than an idea today) to the top 10 and celebrate together when it becomes a reality!
Did you know that you can vote for up to 10 different projects a day? You can place 1 vote for Waiting-Place as well as nine others with each email address you have and each phone from which you text. Today I want to ask you to do that. I am not going to tell you which other projects to support (although my preference is that they are NOT in the $50k category as we are). I just ask that you vote for Waiting-Place, plus 9 others and post a comment on those project pages that you are voting on behalf of waitingplace (text 105175).
There are over a thousand worth while causes, and one of the goals of Waiting-Place is to empower people to support their own fight, so I encourage you to search for some that you care about and vote for those. ALS, Leukemia, Muscular Sclerosis, cancer support organizations, horseback riding therapy programs, animal rescues, school bands, the list goes on and on.
Many organizations will return votes, too, which is why I ask that you comment on their pages that you are voting on behalf of waitingplace (text 105175). We have 10 days remaining, with 10 votes a day and 110 spots to climb. We're a long shot, but I think we might be able to rally and help out a few other under-dogs along the way.
http://www.refresheverything.com/waitingplace
Did you know that you can vote for up to 10 different projects a day? You can place 1 vote for Waiting-Place as well as nine others with each email address you have and each phone from which you text. Today I want to ask you to do that. I am not going to tell you which other projects to support (although my preference is that they are NOT in the $50k category as we are). I just ask that you vote for Waiting-Place, plus 9 others and post a comment on those project pages that you are voting on behalf of waitingplace (text 105175).
There are over a thousand worth while causes, and one of the goals of Waiting-Place is to empower people to support their own fight, so I encourage you to search for some that you care about and vote for those. ALS, Leukemia, Muscular Sclerosis, cancer support organizations, horseback riding therapy programs, animal rescues, school bands, the list goes on and on.
Many organizations will return votes, too, which is why I ask that you comment on their pages that you are voting on behalf of waitingplace (text 105175). We have 10 days remaining, with 10 votes a day and 110 spots to climb. We're a long shot, but I think we might be able to rally and help out a few other under-dogs along the way.
http://www.refresheverything.com/waitingplace
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